Archives for January 2015

Help Wanted (from the book, “Tales for Boys”)

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Wanted: Secretary-receptionist, no shorthand necessary, company fringe benefits and profit-sharing plan. Normal 25 hour week. Apply Mr. H. Selzer, Room 408 Dunder Bldg.
Resumes to Box 228, Pittsburgh, PA.

Mr. H. Selzer
Room 408 Dunder Bldg.
Pittlburg, PA.

Dear Mr. Selzer:
Automation is here!
How would you like to fill your personnel needs, yet eliminate the payment of fringe benefits and company shares?
Sound incredible?
Let us send our OFFSEC Automaton to your office for a week’s trial FREE.
She types, internally transcribes, files, answers the phone, and has a perfect magnetic tape data retrieval system.
If, at the end of a week, you’re not completely satisfied, she may be returned at no cost to you.
Think of it – no coffee breaks, no messy cosmetics, no sick leave, no disability insurance. She even works on your lunch hour.
We happen to have one OFFSEC Demonstrator available this week. Don’t hesitate. Phone us today for a FREE trial.
Sincerely yours,
Ralph P. Orwell
Promotion Manager
Office Products Leasing Service
Pennsylvania District
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Mr. R. P. Orwell
Office Products Leasing Service
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Mr. Orwell:
My friends at Electronic Consultants, Inc. tell me that I am being foolish in contacting you, but I have been plagued with half-trained office personnel. Maybe that’s why I’m responding to your letter. I am in the garment business, and I simply am not meeting my Fall Design Show schedule.
Please send one of your OFFSEC models – you did say a FREE week’s trial?
Hopefully yours,
Harry Selzer
Billy Boy Play togs
408 Dunder Bldg.
Pittsburgh, PA
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Mr. H. Selzer
Rm. 408, Dunder Bldg.
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Prospective Customer:
The CARRIER of this letter answers to the name of SUZY. Enclosed is her lock combination. Once unlocked, give her a good description of her duties and she will then take over.
Thank you for your confidence in our service. I think I can safely say that you will have the last laugh on your friends at ECI.
Our representative, Mr. Rambon, will call on you at the end of the week.
Sincerely yours,
Ralph Orwell
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R.P. Orwell
Office Products Leasing Service
Pittsburgh, PA

My dear Orwell:
I must be dreaming! This is the first time in my career that the correspondence is all filed. Every outgoing letter has been perfect. I actually spent a whole day reviewing styles for the Fall Design Show. When I informed my friends at ECI, they appeared skeptical.
Please send Mr. Rambon immediately.
Enthusiastically yours,
Harry Selzer, President
Billy Boy Play togs
Pittsburgh, PA
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Mr. H. Selzer
Billy Boy Play togs
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Mr. Selzer:
Your endorsement is gratefully acknowledged. Unfortunately, our Mr. Rambon is swamped with calls in the Pittsburgh area. It may be another week or two before we can schedule an interview.
But cheer up! We will leave SUZY at your disposal until that time.
Sincerely yours,
Ralph P. Orwell
Promotion Manager
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Mr. R.P. Orwell
OPLS
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ralph:
SUZY is sheer magic. It has been possible for me to dispense with the services of my other two typists, and not only that, but while I was in New York on a buying trip, my friends at ECI studied SUZY for three days while she was working, and they are very enthusiastic.
When will Mr. Rambon be available?
Sincerely yours,
Harry Selzer
Billy Boy Play togs
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H. Selzer
BBPT
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Harry:
Permit me to thank you for the opportunity to serve new clients.
Mr. Rambon informs me that he will be available a week from Friday. He has been up to the proverbial ears in clients.
I regret that I must recall SUZY at the end of the week, but it is time for her annual overhaul.
Sincerely your,
Ralph Orwell
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R.P. Orwell
OPLS
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ralph:
Could you leave SUZY for one more week? If your Mr. Rambon does not close negotiations for an OFFSEC Automaton next Friday, I will be without office help.
My colleagues in the garment industry are quite impressed with the efficiency of my organization. I may unwittingly be supplying you with many new clients.
Sincerely yours,
Harry Selzer
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H. Selzer
BBPT
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Harry:
The home office has instructed me to recall all OFFSEC demonstrators at once. I regret this action, but I must obey orders from the top.
Mr. Rambon will defintely be there Friday.
Sincerely yours,
Ralph Orwell
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R.P.Orwell
OPLS
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ralph:
Where is your representative? I have to have help!
Since your company took SUZY last Wednesday, I have spent all my time at the swtichboard. I can’t hold out for long. My correspondence is being done by the Pittsburgh Secretarial Pool, but they are impossible.
I am now forced to contract temporarily with an office answering service.
Please send Rambon earliest.
Busily yours,
Harry Selzer
P.S. Electronics Consultants, Inc. is still interested. They would like you to send them your literature.
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H. Selzer
BBPT
Pittsburgh, PA.

Dear Harry:
Our Mr. Rambon had a terrible accident yesterday on his way to your office. Because our sales force here is relatively new, I regret that we can fill no more orders until he is back on his feet.
I suggest that you refer to the local employment bureau, and place an ad in the paper.
I am truly sorry, but that is the only help I can give you at this time.
Our brochures have been sent to your friends at ECI.
Sincerely yours,
Ralph Orwell
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R.P. Orwell
OPLS
Pittsburgh, PA

Ralph:
I’m swamped! My competitors have me against the wall. I can’t type, so my correspondence is suffering. The secretarial pool mailed a confidential letter to one of my competitors by mistake, and half of my fall designs have been copied.
I don’t have time to do the filing because the phone is always ringing.
No one has answered my ad in the paper, and the employment bureau is striking my office because I employed mechanical help.
Please return SUZY! I’ll pay anything within reason.
Desperately,
Harry Selzer
P.S. Electronics Consultants, Inc. said to forget them.
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H. Selzer
BBPT
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Harry:
Our leasing service in the Pittsburgh area has severely suffered since Mr. Rambon’s accident. I, like you, have been hard-pressed for help.
I am informed that new OFFSEC models will be out soon, but I have no field representatives.
I have instructed the home office of your problem, but they are recalling all models of SUZY’s serial number series.
With regrets,
Ralph Orwell
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R.P. Orwell
OPLS
Pittsburgh, PA

Ralph:
I couldn’t care less about new OFFSEC models unless you deliver one immediately.
Twenty years I’ve spent in the playsuit field – it’s the only thing I’ve ever known.
Now my business is on the rocks. My competitors, like vultures, have grabbed old customers, my designers have flown the coop for greener pastures, my office equipment is being sold to pay debts, and I am being sued for defamation of character by my old protagonist who stole my fall designs.
And all because of your Damned machines!
If only I had the funds and the grounds, I’d sue you and your company!
Harry
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H. Selzer
BBPT
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Harry:
I am deeply troubled about your predicament, and wish sincerely that there was some way I could help, but unfortunately my firm is closing the Pittsburgh office because of the new competition. Another firm in the Automaton field has undersold, out-delivered, and out-serviced us – on our own equipment!
Thus, I, too, am out of a position at this time.
Perhaps we could have lunch tomorrow and discuss our mutual problems and the somewhat dubious future.
Your friend,
Ralph Orwell
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OFFICE AUTOMATION IS HERE!

Do you have personnel problems? Want to eliminate the fringe benefits and company stock programs, dispose of employee disability insurance payments, sick leave, vacations, and personal time off the job?
Then ELECTRONIC CONSULTANTS, INCORPORATED is your answer!
Our leasing service can provide the perfect Automaton for your office needs.
Think of it – no coffee breaks, no messy cosmetics, no lunch hours, no filching of company supplies.
Our company provides an annual service contract to guarantee uninterrupted service by our Automatons year after year.
Take our Demonstrator model for one week on a FREE trial basis.
Let our leasing representative discuss your needs.
Our Mr. Orwell and Mr. Selzer have the know-how to solve your office problems.
Remember:
You can rely on ECI